Sins of the Mothers

My sister was with my mother the day my mother died. It was an ending to a lifelong family drama that seemed to contradict years of arguing and misgivings. Only in death did the two of them find peace.

I am the youngest and really have no comprehension of the bitter feud between my sibling and parent. The underlying resentments alluded me; though they both tried to pull me to their side. If I had to venture about the seed of their discontent, I would have to deduce that my - my mother's second husband, was the source of the 40 year rivalry. My sister seemed to resent my father, or at least the changes he brought into the family.

To hear my sister tell it, when mom married Dad he brought in a new set of rules and mom changed. She became neglectful toward my oldest sister and brother. "They fed us moldy bread and made us sit in a different room," she revealed. While myself and my other sister reaped the benefits of being the fruit of my father's loins, the other two were left to themselves and the mercy of other family members.

I really don't know the full truth of the matter, but considering some of the neglect and abuse I experienced as a child - I know there is an element of truth to my sisters tale.

As she grew older, and more distant, my sister would attempt to point out to my mother the reasons why my sister felt the way she did. This inevitably led into a screaming match, tears, the slamming of doors and my sister being ostracized for another few years. But again, there is that element of truth, a truth my mother did not want to face.

I don't really know my sister, nor my brother for that fact, because she was outcast from the family for being critical of my mother's choice of a new man. My brother is just so much older than me, he was already out of the house when I was learning to pee in a potty.

The outcast, the one who was so hurt and betrayed by her own mother. The one who accused her mother of caring more for her two new children more than she cared for her first two. The sister who accused her mother of negligence in caring for her two older children and protecting them from the harms of the outside world. The sister who only wanted to be loved and who only wanted what she thought would be best for her younger siblings. Maybe so they would not suffer the same fate.

The sister who made me go back to high school and made sure I graduated.

Several months ago my nieces, the oldest two children of my other sister - the one closest to me in age, had a meeting with her regarding fiance. They were not happy with her choice of her fourth husband and felt that she was beginning to neglect their siblings. Much like they accused her of neglecting them during marriages two and three. They became concerned because my youngest niece is running the streets and nothing is being done to protect her. They are concerned because my oldest nephew is forgotten as he sits in jail. They are angered that my youngest nephew is going to get better than they had, more concern and protection.

They were blunt and pointed out the changes in my other sister, since she had decided to marry this man.

My nieces are now ostracized from the family, hurt and resentful. Though they want their mother's love and approval, she is so angry with them she denies them. Though they try to help my nephews and youngest niece - trying to do what they hope is best for them - they are met with bitterness.

The is much arguing and tears and slamming of doors.

What do we learn from the sins of our mothers? Apparently not a damn thing.